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Help Prepare Your Family For
A Hurricane, Ice Storm, Flood... |
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How to go to the bathroom when there's no running water
Go ahead, laugh! Everyone in my office did.
I'll use words from our childhood because they're more easily understood and user-friendly than (ugh) feces, etc. (If you can't poo, drink lots of water, eat fibre, and get out for some exercise. Enjoy this special time! Ski down the main street!)
Here's what you'll need for three months for four people: 150 or so white kitchen-size garbage bags (they're about 20 x 22 inches); duct tape; a 3-foot pile of old newspapers; a good-sized cup; a plastic bin about 2 feet high; two big, plastic garbage containers with lids; toilet paper (get a few hundred rolls; they'll be good to barter with); Handiwipes or such, and a deodorizing room spray. Nervous yet? Don't be!
Since the toilet won't flush, the idea is to pee in one place (the plastic bin) and then poop in another. It makes for easier and safer disposal if they are kept separate. (I experienced this technique on a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon: toilet seats were fitted upon old, large ammunition containers; you peed in one then pooped in the other. The pee was later used to warm the river; the poop was rafted out of the canyon.)
To set the scene...The toilet has little or no water in it. If there's water, you've added some anti-freeze or winter windshield-washer liquid to it. Cover the bottom of the toilet bowl with a dish or something to give the garbage bag something wide and flat to rest on. Lower the toilet seat onto the toilet bowl; it won't get raised again for the duration. Place an opened white garbage bag inside the toilet bowl; lift its spread-opened top over the toilet seat (so that you'd be sitting on the garbage bag) and attach it more or less permanently to the toilet seat with duct tape. Next, place another garbage bag inside the first, and attach it also to the seat with small pieces of duct tape. (Now you'll be sitting on 2 layers of plastic garbage bags.) This garbage bag will be gotten rid of on a daily basis. The first garbage bag is in case the second one rips; the plate in the bowl distributes the weight of the contents, which reduces the chance of a tear. (That's tear which rhymes with err. Expect both types from time to time.)
If you intend to squat over the bin while peeing, make sure that the plastic bin won't fall over. Perhaps locate it close to a hand-rail so that the user won't lose his or her balance. Later, pour the pee into a large plastic garbage container that's out on the back porch, or balcony. Place any toilet tissue into the garbage bag in the toilet bowl. Then move over to the toilet. Sit and relax. Later, place a folded-up newspaper page over the poop. It helps to cut down odours and adds to the aesthetics. A deodorizing spray, a closed lid on the toilet, and a pretty towel over the plastic bin, all add to the aesthetics. If there's a persistent odour, perhaps try dropping in a pinch or two of baking soda. Because the toilet seat will be cold, buy a small piece of carpeting and cut a hole in it the same size as the hole in the toilet seat. Place it on the toilet seat, rest and think of summer... and of all the things you could do in a Tilley Hat.
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